Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Arasiyal - contd...

As a continuation to the NAP-NAK discussion, i wanted to share the below mail. The context is that two of my NAK friends are apprehensive about getting married to a NAP, thinking that their life would be caught between adherence of strict rituals and the demands of the moden world.
I happend to know of their apprehension, and conveyed them that, their being carefree today, doesnt make them out of sync of marrying a NAP. And told them, after marriage, they would infact tend to be adhereing to those traditional practices more than their men. [of course, it is an observation which is made based on my little expereince, hence there will be exceptions.]

Ennala mudinjadhu, rendu NAKs oda NAPphobia va pokkaradhuku chinna muyarchi.. :P
Read from the bottom.

*************************************
Good..

I remember to have talked to u about, not providing enuf fundamentals to NAKs. Our way of life is prescribed assuming that NAKs are at home, so the idea of imparting values and subjecting them to a system early in life,have not been given appropriate attention. [like for boys, we have upanayanam(poonal), brahmacharyam, sandhyavandham.... Et al. That is, anytime if a guys goes weird in life, and later wants to return, he can fall back to his fundamentals,].

So it is time that we tailor our parenting strategies to impart enuf values and spiritual thots both into boys and gals alike, after all, tomorrow they are going to meet the world almost the same way.

Now coming to your apprehensions, they are true only to a very small extent. It is the fear factor that is blowing things out of proportion in your minds.

What I am trying to convey is, what you are now, and what u will be five years after marriage, will be completely different, and take my word, most of u will be the pivots around whom the whole spirituality and value building of the family will revolve.

The convictions to substantiate are..[of course there are obvious exceptions.]
1. Most families today are jus the man and wife, and with very less parental intervention.
2. Most guys today are very adjusting and practical, mind u.. even the guy who says I am conservative, doesn't impose it on his wife.
3. In the world where both the partners work alike, the only thing that is expected early in the marriage is love and sincerity, not madisaar kattindu samaikaradhu.. ;)
4. Guys have turned out to be astonishingly sacrificial, driving a sense of reciprocation among the so called "broadminded" and "modern" girls around.
5. With the responsibilities of the family descending on the girls, most of them tend to adapt and lead THE life, this may not be "kulichuttu, madisar kattinduthan samayal panannradhu " daily, but understanding and appreciating that doing it is the proper way of living, and raising to special occasions and enjoying doing it.

Take my word..
If u have got good fundamentals, then u r going to reflect it later in ur life, irrespective of how u r today.
Let me rephrase, you will be a Ctrl+C, Ctrl+V, of your mom with 'Find and Replace' of the corresponding time parameters to point to 2-3 decades later.


-----Original Message-----
From:
Sent: Monday, May 31, 2004 5:12 PM
To:
Subject: RE: hi


u r correct..
but theres no way out .. u have to choose among the available..
orthovo.. ennavo.. poi than adjust pannikanum..
naan kovil pakkame poga mattenn.. athala vilakku kooda etha mattenn.. ( seyanum nu thonathu)
ennakku bayangara orthovo vandhu amaya porathu..
kulichuttu, madisar kattinduthan samayal panannumnu sonna enna panrathu..


-----Original Message-----
From:
Sent: Monday, May 31, 2004 5:09 PM
To:
Subject: RE: hi

2 weeks back oru group vanndanga, some ortho gumbal ..payan kitta sonen, me not ortho types nu, he said, am more ortho than modern :) . and avanga paakave some tradi yaa irundaanga..no way i'd suit them.so mutual No.
namba konjam ulagata paathutom ..adaan expectations jaasti ya irukku..we want some body broadminded...and not the narrow thinking conservative iyengar gumbal.wht say? :)
*************************************


13 Comments:

At Wed Aug 10, 07:20:00 AM CDT, Blogger Anand Ramamoorthy said...

DEAR TJ

conservative iyengar gumbal...I resent that. anyway NAMMA TJ'KKU KALYAANAM PANNIKKANUMNU ENNAM VANDHUDUTHHA..VERY GOOFD VERY GOOD, PAIYYAN MATTINDAAN.

NARAYANA NARAYANA .

warning: what follows is not a modified matrimonial ad

HERE ARE A FEW THINGS I'D LIKE TO SAY to NAP phobic NAK'S out there..
MADISAAR KATTINDU SAMAIKKA VENDAM..KULICCHUTTU SAMAICHHA PODHUM... (SAMAIKKA THERIYUMAA?)hold your horses ( and any other animals you may have at home)
I am no chauvivist, incdentally my cooking is appreciated by my mom and I think cooking is best left to us guys anyway.
netthikku ittukkaravan laam narrow minded kidaiyaaathu
perumaal sevikkaravanlaam pattaam pasali( er...what is the etymology of this term?) kidaiyathu..
Aaahara niyamam follow panravanlaam andha kaalathu type kidaiyathu
( aahaa kavidhai, kavidhai..)

what I meant to say was that NAP types are actually nice guys usually. so NAK's out there don't even think of NAP's as insular chaps.
before you start thinking about my intentions let me assure you that I'm a brahmachaarin and I'm only interested in checking out DWAARAKA AND BADRIKAASHRAMA NOT TO MENTION BRINDAAVAN AT THE MOMENT.
enakku NAK'LAAM VAENAAM LORD KRISHNA PODHUM.

SARVAM VISHNUMAYAM JAGATH!

SARVAM SRIKRISHNAARPANAMASTHU!

 
At Wed Aug 10, 07:31:00 AM CDT, Blogger TJ said...

Anand,
This mail was written somewhere in May 2004, Robbie initate panni, previous post la continue pannina topic la irukkengaradhunala post panni irukkein. Ashte. ;) neenga vera aedhum nenachuka venam.

I had been to Dwaraka some 11 yrs back and to Brindavan 10 yrs back. Nice place. :)

 
At Wed Aug 10, 10:50:00 AM CDT, Blogger Ganesh said...

TJ
Idduku naan innoru post podunum polirukke.
As ex pazham/bramhachari or whatever.
Nammalum nammalla setha mathikanom.
I never forced my beliefs on my wife.
And my parents never forced their beliefs on me. I was spiritual becoz of my surrounding and more than that I loved and believed in it. But lets face it. How many TAM boys and girls even understand about culture or rituals. The question being raised is do we really need all these things in our life ? All these things looks ridiculous to them, so parent should have knowledge to answer them and show them the way. But they themselves are lost so dont blame NAPS and NAKS.
When you go to college there is lot of peer pressure to do things which might make you popular and hip.
Today social consumption of alcohol and meat eating are common among almost all NAKs NAPs. I have no problem with that since its their individual choice. Most of the tam boys I talk to are having least expectations for their future wife, which is good, ofcourse these boys are pazhams one. I have to careful with my words illati oru secondla MCP adhu idunnu label panniduva.
I do know few highfi,hip tam boys.
But avangala pathi onnum sollarathukku illai.They get away with everything in their own way.

I am just in my 30s, but I find so much generation gap with new gen x crowd.
Bottomline do whatever you want to but be responsible about it no finger pointing at anyone be it NAP or NAKs.

Finally my pitys are with NAPs I mean the sadhu ones, which ofcourse is such a rarity in these day and age.

 
At Wed Aug 10, 11:21:00 AM CDT, Blogger Random Access said...

I loved the last part of ur comment TJ. But I agree with u full heartedly. I think its their phobia towards whats gonna happen that make the NAKs lose out on the god-sent NAPs...i think its quite sad that the gals form a damn rong impression. Is the changing culture and the westernisation of the Indian mentality grooming their thot process, instead of our age old culture, that has to be revered for its depth and outlook?

once a NAP, now I go NAP. But honestly, I feel sad that I aint a NAP anymore..

Random Access
The search has just begun !!!

 
At Wed Aug 10, 11:35:00 AM CDT, Blogger Kasthuri Srinivasan said...

TJ,
Being a ex-NAP, thought I should also contribute here. I concur with Ganesh and Anand in some things.
As Ganesh says, we cannot expect NAK's and NAP's to know things as the parents are themselves lost in the myraid of culture and traditions. Just as Anand says there are NAK's who know what they are doing and believe in it. As we are caught inbetween, I guess we should try to part with our little knowledge to the existing NAP's and NAK's that sprituality is what that is required than being religious or ritualistic. I guess its high time that we bring the difference out. I also think young people like Anand can contribute a great deal in this endeavor (he is just 21 btw).

 
At Wed Aug 10, 11:43:00 AM CDT, Blogger Kasthuri Srinivasan said...

Sorry, in the comment "Just as Anand says there are NAK's who know what they are doing and believe in it" should read "Just as Anand says there are NAP's who know what they are doing and believe in it."

 
At Wed Aug 10, 11:59:00 AM CDT, Blogger Ganesh said...

Srini
correcta sollitama nee

thats what is needed when our very culture is under threat.
The hateful atmoshpere back in TN is disgusting, did you read about that anniyan review in kumudam.Just disgusting..
Lazy geek has written about it.

 
At Wed Aug 10, 12:01:00 PM CDT, Blogger TJ said...

Ganesh,
I agree with you well.. There is no question of forcing something on somebody. And i too strongly belive, forcing something will nver be successful.
But the point in this post is that, if the fundamentals are strong[which is true for most of us] for any NAK or NAP, it will not be difficult if we get a traditional partner.

@Random Access,
What u say is correct!! Neenga 30 vayasula feel panradha naa 27 vayasulaye feel panrein :(

@Kasthuri,
Yes, it is imperative to make people understand the basics and then let them take a decision whether to adhere or not. But what is happening now is without knowing what it is abt, ppl are shunning it as old and useless.

Anand, is doing a great job being a 21 yr old. I quote from the post
"So it is time that we tailor our parenting strategies to impart enuf values and spiritual thots both into boys and gals alike, after all, tomorrow they are going to meet the world almost the same way."
In our generation, I personally fee, this was very well done by the chinmaya balavihars. We can sit together and build a framework/curriculum of igniting the thirst for root-search.

 
At Wed Aug 10, 01:34:00 PM CDT, Blogger Chakra Sampath said...

> In the world where both the partners work alike, the only thing that is expected early in the marriage is love and sincerity, not madisaar kattindu samaikaradhu..

- That line explains it all. Brilliant!

 
At Thu Aug 11, 12:10:00 AM CDT, Blogger sukhanya said...

hi TJ,

I completely accept what you have said. The modern world, changing things, "liberal" talks and all other "college" ideas have made some girls think they are going to be different from the previous generation. But this is not so true. Down the line they are also going to be mothers and are going to think like one.

-In today;s busy world I think the couple is going to live their independant life w/o parents or other elder interventions ;

- when both of them work.. they r trying to run a family and hence I would say both of them contribute equally to the work they have ( least i have observed this in all the workin women families in US)

- leave alone madisaar...taking bath and then cooking is .. to some extent hygenic too..

afterall..the NAPs are not so bad...can give them a fair chance (if they cook well ;)

tata
sukku

 
At Fri Aug 12, 09:28:00 AM CDT, Blogger TJ said...

Thanks chakra!

Sukku,
Very valid points indeed!! Thanks for the generosity towards NAPs. ;)

 
At Sat Aug 13, 10:40:00 AM CDT, Blogger Random Access said...

Did you misquote or assume that I was 30?

Random Access
The search has just begun !!!

 
At Sun Aug 14, 01:29:00 PM CDT, Blogger TJ said...

Sorry RA,
I misquoted you!
It was meant to be pointed to Ganesh!
Thanks for visiting the blog, and keep coming. :)

 

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