My paatti!!

I had gone to Trichy for a 5 day vacation, after a long time. It was an eventful trip, though I was not able to cover 90% of my to-do list.

The event of the trip is the ShivaLoka prapti of my PitaMahee.
Smt. Lakshmi Ammal, W/O Shri.T.A. Swaminatha Iyer. [Born, Thai Pooradam, Pramadeecha varsham 1914A.D. Died: Purattasi, Shukla Ekadesi, Paarthiva varsham, 2005]

She had to relocate from Perungulam[one in the Navatirupati of tirunelvei], up north[that is how she calls it ] when she got married at the age of 7, to the 15 year old post master of Tiruvanaikovil.

Widowed at the age of 30, with 5 children aged 9,7,5,3,1 [Yes, my granpa was calculative ;)], and absolutely no money, equipped with just the will power and dream to build a generation, her struggle with this world had begun.

The seed she sowed then, has grown big and has reaped nice and tasty fruits, and lots of offshoots. She slept last Thursday midnight having seen her dream accomplished.

As everybody of the earlier generations, she had struggled a lot in the hands of her in-laws and even her un-understanding husband, but that made her stronger and built her will power.

After the diwali night of 1944, when my grandpa left them literally in the streets, she had no option but to struggle. Her only choice was where to struggle. She chose the familiar Tirunelveli town and moved into a small non-brahmin street there. [Yes, this was a revolutionary move she took.] Her brothers were against this, and stopped any help. The reasons, she told me was, one, the then chaps of the agraharams were all big land owners and lazy bones, associating with whom would have a corrupting influence on her children. Second, her brothers would start helping her and use her children as unpaid servants, thereby breaking their self respect. ‘Self respect is what is needed to succeed’ – is what she says.

It was not the best of times to loose a child to Typhoid, but it made her work for lesser number of stomachs. Day and Night, hard labor, continuously for years, first to get both her daughter married, then to get both her sons educated well.

Twenty years later, she moved back to Tiruvanaikovil. By then, all her in laws, wanted her back. She was their only hope.

She told me of her move - ‘from the day I got married to your thatha, TVKovil is my home. Tirunelveli is just a temporary resting place. I want to live in the house, where ur thatha lived, die at the same place as he did, and be cremated at the same ghat as he was.’

After about 61 year, she accomplished what she wanted to, at the same house, in exactly the same place, and at the same kollida karai rudra bhoomi.

She was the proponent of the Samsaram Adhu Minsaaram concept of ‘Nee sowkiyama Naa Sowkiyam’. We stayed within a couple of kilometers distance from her. But she would never come and stay with us unless there is an occasion. We used to visit her almost every alternate day, and she would visit us often. She was 91+ when she died and it was the same story. She lived independently. Having said that, she would never celebrate a festival or pooja alone, she would always join either of her children’s homes.

She is the most respected in our families. Born as the 14th child to a wealthy couple, she even had some of her nieces and nephews elder than her.
For the last 10 years, she was the only survivor of the 14. Thus the descendents of all of them, numbering hundreds looked up to her as their parental figure. All of us heeded what she used to say. The following is what she had to tell as the lessons she learnt from her experience in life.

1. Believe in yourself and only in yourself
2. Do not let down your self respect and self esteem
3. Self control is the key to driving yourself to your goal
4. Sacrifice is the only way to success. You cannot have the cake and eat it too.
5. Do not attach sentiments to life.
6. Labor always bears fruits.
7. He is all powerful.

Now, coming back to the Wednesday, 12th Oct, 2005, I had just landed in Trichy after 6 months [Even then I was on a week vacation only]. I have read lot of blogs saying ‘received a phone call saying ‘paati poitta’’ and she was this, that, yada yada. All through the last 3 years I had been thinking, it would be the same case with me. One fine day I would get a call and would shed some tears and get back to work. It was not to be.

I met her on Thursday noon sharp, in the same hall outside the swami room in our ancestral house in Tiruvanaikovil. She had grown weak since I last met her 6 months before, and was bed ridden for the last one month. It was my privilege to clean her change her clothes, pour my love, kiss her, whisper in her ears, and gently rub the bottom of her feet. She opened here eyes, I saw the same brightness in her eyes which I saw 10 years before. She tried to move her limbs, gave a big smile and went back to sleep. All the neighbors and relatives, who were around were surprised, for she had not smiled this big for last so many days. For me, it was all the same paati.

I then went around meeting my other friends, and suddenly got the call saying that, paati’s breathing has got heavy, and the panting was growing noisy. It was sometime by 9 pm in the evening. My other cousins who work in Trichy had gone out of town for official work, and me who was hundreds of miles away was just sitting near her. Gave her some milk and made her sit with support from my shoulder. The panting had then reduced maybe due to change of posture. So I let her sleep and made sure I too slept there. I about an hour, I could hear the panting slow down. Took her head on my lap started reciting bhagawan nama. And within 5 minutes, it was all over. The pulse had died down, the breathing had stopped. An era had come to an end.!!

She is the seed from where a new generation took life, and her life is a text book lesson for the art of living.

Shambo Mahadeva!!